– You’ll never get a decent answer.
If you ask me about me, I’ll tell you that I’m the most understanding person you could ever meet; that I’m putting everyone first not thinking what could cause me.
But, if you ask me about me on a deeper level, you’ll probably won’t get a decent answer from me, because I, too, don’t know myself.
Others might say that the biggest stranger in their lives is their mom, some might say that it’s their dad, but for me, I am.
I am the biggest stranger of my life.
On a surface level, I can tell you what my favorite color is, or what kind of song genre I usually listen to. I can tell these basic things about me like others do.
But, if you ask me about my personality, I’ll never know what to say, I might just look at you. Or worse I might ask you. For you, what’s my personality? For you, who am I? For you, how should I label myself?
As I grew up, I learned to mirror what others show to me, I think of me as what other people think of me. You think I’m selfish? I’ll think that I really am, not just for days nor weeks, but, if possible, for the rest of my life.
I never developed a firm personality, I just get along with who I am with. It really does depend on their likings. If you love to binge watch movies, I’ll binge watch movies with you. If you love to sit under a palm tree for hours and have some random conversation, I’ll sit there, under the scorching heat or heavy rains, with you. If you want to be silent, I’ll stay silent with you.
But, when I’m alone, looking at myself on the mirror or at my reflection on the black screen of my turned off phone, I ask myself who I really am. I’m now alone, in my room, sitting at the edge of my small bed, looking up to my small room’s ceiling, thinking how would I label myself if I’m not around my family, my friend, my classmates.
Doing things alone is hard for me, but I’m still trying. I feel like a lost child in a mall when doing things on my own. I can’t decide what to do, I can’t even decide where to eat. I know you’ll laugh at me, if not, others will. But when I’m alone, I’m still figuring things out, I’m still figuring myself out.
Who am I if I’m in front of a total stranger?
Should I ask the stranger who she/he is first?
Or should I really ask myself, who am I?
Funny how I can easily figure who and what kind of person I’m dealing with just based on their personality, while I can’t seem to figure myself out.
